Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
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he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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