Ambien. No doubt about it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
