for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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