I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
