you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
