I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
