So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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