she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
