Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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