so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
