Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
