Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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