I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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