The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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