Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
