Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
