Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
