So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
