Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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