That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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