I faked an abortion last night.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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