don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
