i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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