they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
