then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize