I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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