There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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