Your tits are I can't wait for
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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