Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
