You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
