he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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