I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good