Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor