in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
