Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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