i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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