all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
