if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
