My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
