I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
