I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
