All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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