If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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