I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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