my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we're so committed to being not committed