Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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