I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type