Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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