you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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