My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
