3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
