I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
