sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
