she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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