2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
