YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
