My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
