Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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