then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What a dumb baby whore.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sext me about skeletons
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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