My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
