The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
