I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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