I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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