Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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