you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
