We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
