just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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