Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
