Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
