Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
