and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
