Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
