I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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