just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
