well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
