id be glad to
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.