Texts From Last Night

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.

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  (479): She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction. http://tfl.nu/io12
  Replies (2) Good night (864) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

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  (918): We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent http://tfl.nu/74gr
  Replies (14) Good night (6614) Bad night (1754)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.

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  (717): it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester. http://tfl.nu/hqf6
  Replies (13) Good night (1420) Bad night (3425)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila

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  (612): I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila http://tfl.nu/4u8b
  Replies (20) Good night (6017) Bad night (945)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.

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  (708): I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored. http://tfl.nu/z508
  Replies (5) Good night (2929) Bad night (1443)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.

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  (905): I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out. http://tfl.nu/0m9y
  Replies (7) Good night (2466) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.

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  (612): She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask. http://tfl.nu/em4a
  Replies (5) Good night (1595) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka

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  (775): If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka http://tfl.nu/1i63
  Replies (9) Good night (1669) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.

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  (716): Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly. http://tfl.nu/tse2
  Replies (1) Good night (700) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.

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  (618): I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion. http://tfl.nu/gnl9
  Replies (5) Good night (576) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  What? How can you say that? You won!

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  (813): The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before. (1-813): What? How can you say that? You won! http://tfl.nu/a7ws
  Replies (5) Good night (883) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.

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  (908): 4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden. http://tfl.nu/r37f
  Replies (3) Good night (591) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Is being in jail an excusable absence?

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  (505): Is being in jail an excusable absence? http://tfl.nu/1yic
  Replies (1) Good night (408) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...

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  (785): Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit... http://tfl.nu/w51i
  Replies (0) Good night (464) Bad night (267)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?

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  (812): You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you? http://tfl.nu/twmm
  Replies (2) Good night (533) Bad night (195)

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