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• (804): View more from Virginia

  id be glad to

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form

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• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (907): View more from Alaska

  I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.

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• (516): View more from New York

  I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.

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