new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?