two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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