I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
