And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can feel your judgement through the phone