I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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