I heard we made out
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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