WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
